Journey of Love
by tv-addict007
Summary: Josh's accusations in 4x01 hit Castle hard and he started to believe it himself. Making the decision to leave Beckett's life, he starts a new adventure to get his mind off of Kate. Meanwhile Kate has to adjust to life after the shooting, trying to move on. Is that the end of this thing they had or is it really just the beginning?
1. Chapter 1

**Good morning everyone :)**

**Somehow I got stuck with this idea a while ago and started to write it out. I'm not sure of it but I just thought I'd upload it and wait for your response.**

**I hope you'll enjoy reading it. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.**

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**Chapter 1**

It was one of those darker days in life. A day they had to bid their farewells to one of their beloved friends. Before Richard Castle had started to work with the NYPD as a civilian consultant for Detective Beckett and her team, his life hadn't been so full with of darkness, hurt feelings, and danger. It may have been a little shallow, but in the end he had always been safe living in his little bubble with his mother and his daughter.

This bubble had burst as the one and only Detective Katherine Beckett stepped into his life.

Her world was full with all those things Castle hadn't concerned himself with until then. But she intrigued him, her whole being was a mystery that had pulled him to her and hadn't let go again. Many people wouldn't have dared to dive into her world, would've stayed in their safe and shallow life, but he couldn't do that. Kate Beckett had showed him the hard reality and he couldn't be happier. Of course, there were moments in which he doubted his decision, but in the end he'd never regret it for being right at her side solving crimes.

However, in real life there were losses, and Captain Roy Montgomery was now one of those. He had sacrificed his own life to protect another one, to protect Kate's life. His death was an atonement for his actions from fifteen years ago. It was a hard blow for the twelfth, especially for Beckett. Montgomery had been her mentor, a second father figure, and a good friend. She had not only lost an important person in her life, but she had to find out that he had been involved in her mother's case. That after all this time, _he_ had those answers she was so desperately searching for.

But Kate Beckett was a tough woman, standing with her head held high in front of everyone holding the eulogy. She learnt to handle the feelings of grief and pain, perfected her mask of the strong woman over the years, and hoped that Montgomery would be proud of her speech. But Castle soon had to realize that the already grey day in their lives could become even darker. This day had officially become the worst day in his whole life when someone shot Kate. Shot his _partner_.

Right now he found himself in a hospital hall, running after the stretcher on which his partner was lying, slowly bleeding out. Lanie Parish was perched over the detective, trying her best to keep their friend alive.

"Come on, Kate! Don't you die on me! Stay with me! Stay with me!" Lanie begged as she kept her hands on Kate's wound. There was had been a tirade of different sentences from her since the moment they had stepped into the ambulance, while Castle remained silent. Since the moment Kate had closed her eyes, he'd had the feeling of running a marathon and the finish line just seemed not to come in sight. How long could a heart manage to beat so fast and hard before one passed out?

He felt completely helpless, couldn't do anything to help his friend. Meanwhile, the medical staff of the hospital had reached them and tried to take it from here on, but Lanie refused to let go of her best friend.

"This is my friend, do you understand me? She's my friend." Lanie persisted.

"Then let us save her life." The man tried to reason with Lanie.

The internal fight was visible in her eyes. She knew what she had to do, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. Because as soon as they'd wheeled the stretcher through the doors, all bets were off. This could maybe be the very last time she'd see her friend breathing. But Castle knew that every second counted if they wanted to have the best chance for Beckett's survival.

"Lanie!"

Lanie seemed to acknowledge Castle's presence for the first time. Her desperate eyes looked directly into his. Without any further words, she stepped off the stretcher and watched as the medical staff took her best friend away from her. Even when he knew that it wouldn't help that much, Castle laid a comforting hand on Lanie's shoulder as tears slowly descended down her face.

The next few hours felt more like days. The hospital hall was now filled with people waiting to hear about Beckett's condition. The first ones to accompany Lanie and Castle in the lonely hall were Ryan and Esposito, who had coordinated the search for the sniper by phone. Then Martha and Alexis entered the hall, soon followed by Jim Beckett.

Castle glanced at his watch. Had it been really just three hours since they wheeled Kate to surgery? It seemed like much longer to him, too long. Nobody was really in the mood for conversation, filling the hall with silence. It really was deadly silent. Suddenly those words had quite another meaning. He shook his head. He couldn't think like this. Kate was a strong woman, She'll would get through this, he was sure of that. She _had_ to. Anything else was just out of question.

He heard a door being hard pushed open and stood automatically from his seat, hoping to finally get an update on Kate. Praying that the person coming to them was bringing good news. Castle was slightly surprised to see that it was Josh Davidson who came marching through those doors. But Josh was a doctor after all, and had a better chances to get some information about a patient. Maybe he had found out what had happened and wanted to give them an update? Castle didn't really care who'd tell them something as long as they'd get to know anything at all.

"A sniper! At a funeral!" Josh yelled at them as he came striding towards rage was understandable, after all Castle felt the same. The only difference was that he brooded silently.

"We think that the people who sent those guys after Montgomery targeted Beckett."

"I tried to get to her. I tri-"Castle started to explain, but was harshly interrupted as Josh shoved him violently against the wall. Since Castle hadn't expected this, he had a hard time keeping himself from crashing to the floor.

"Hey!" Esposito intervened and pushed Josh aside Josh, away from Castle, while Martha helped her son back into an upright position again. Bewildered, Castle looked at Josh, suddenly at a loss of words for what had just happened.

"You did this!" Josh accused him, causing and Castle's patience to finally run out. A fight with the annoying doctor was just the right thing for him right now. A chance to vent rushed towards the doctor, only just to be held up short by Ryan and Alexis at the last moment, while Esposito tried to get more distance between those two men.

"This is your fault!" This accusation hit him deeper than any strike Josh could've made. Was it his fault that Kate had now to fight for her life? Was it his fault that Jim Beckett may lose his daughter now too?

"_You_ pushed her to look into her mother's murder! She was shot because of _you_ and Montgomery is dead because of _you_!" Josh continued with his accusations, and every single word pierced deep into his heart.

Josh was right.

All of this happened because he couldn't control his curiosity.

It was _his_ fault.

Alexis marched angrily to Josh ready to protect her dad, but was stopped by her grandmother. She couldn't believe what she had just heard. Those accusations were wrong. It may have been her dad that caused Kate to start digging into her mother's murder again, but everything else hadn't been his responsibility. Kate Beckett was a grown woman and an outstanding detective. If she hadn't wanted all of this, if she had wanted to give up, she'd have put her dad into his place and ignored everything, but she didn't. Nobody but the people behind this witch-hunt was were at fault.

"Stop it!" That was the first time Jim had said anything since he had come to the hospital. Everyone stared at the man who was possibly about to lose his last loved one. Now Castle felt even worse. They were making a scene while there were other things to worry about. "Stop it, all of you! Just stop it! I won't have you acting like three year olds while my daughter's fighting for her life!"

Josh turned around, not even the little least bit interested in waiting with them in the hall. Once again the silence spread out again, and Castle slumped back onto his chair, and just barely noticed his mother taking the seat beside him. Josh's words, as hard as they had been, were right. They were the plain truth. Kate _wouldn't_ be in this situation if he would have just stayed away from her mother's case. If he'd be in Josh's position, he'd have reacted the same way. The writer felt his mother's arm around his shoulder, but it didn't make him feel any better.

"He's right, you know. This is my fault."

"Richard Castle, don't you dare blame yourself. You are not the one who shot her."

"No. But I put her in the crosshairs."

This time Martha opted to stay silent. She had the feeling that no words in the world could help her son at the moment. His demons wouldn't disappear so easily.

"I told her how I felt. I told her I loved her." Castle admitted and Martha squeezed his shoulder comfortingly.

_You pushed her to look into her mother's murder! She was shot because of you and Montgomery is dead because of you!_

If he could turn back the time he would do it in a heartbeat, but he wasn't able to. He may not change the past, but he can change the future, and right at this very moment, he made a decision. He'd leave Kate's life. All he did was bring chaos into it. She'd be better off without him. He won't let his presence cause her any more pain.

She deserved a happy life, and he hoped very much that she'd get it.

Without him in it.

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**Waiting for your opinion...**

**Wish you all a great weekend :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi guys,**

**I think it's safe to say that you're interested in this story.**

**Thanks for the great response so far. **

**It's time to see what Rick has planned.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.**

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**Chapter 2**

Darkness. Kate was surrounded by darkness, and she hadn't the slightest idea of where exactly she was. Her memories were blurred, covered by a faint remembrance of being at the funeral of her Captain, but not what had happened after she went up to give the eulogy. An obtrusively beeping sound could be heard, but she couldn't place it yet. She tried to open her eyes to take a look at her surroundings, however, her eyelids seemed heavier than normally.

Slowly, too slowly for her liking, Kate finally opened her eyes.

The room she was in was filled with brightness, and she was forced to close her eyes again almost immediately, since it was too much after the darkness she had just been in. After a few seconds she tried again, this time prepared for the onslaught as she got used to the light.

Apparently she was in a hospital, with various machines connected to her body, and the irritating sound came from the device monitoring her heartbeat. How did she end up here?

Kate glanced around. It was a normal hospital room, a single, with a chair standing beside her bed and a coffee sitting next to it on the ground. Someone must have been sitting there not too long ago. Also, she took notice of the numerous flower bouquets surrounding her as she asked herself how long she might have been unconscious.

"Kate."

She looked towards the door and saw Josh. He smiled at seeing her awake and she smiled back at him, however, it didn't really reach her eyes. She felt bad that she'd have preferred Castle coming through that door instead of her boyfriend. Kate shook off those feelings; now was not the time for them.

"How are you feeling?" Josh asked softly and sat down on chair beside her bed. He took her hand in his and caressed it gently like he was afraid it would break if he gripped too hard.

"I feel tired and a little bit confused. What happened?"

"You don't remember?"

"My memories are a little blurred."

"You were shot. At the funeral."

Shot? Kate tried to remember what happened. She remembered giving the eulogy. The last clear memory was of Castle yelling something to her, then everything after that was just foggy.

_Kate, please!_

_Stay with me, Kate._

_Don't leave me, please._

_Stay with me, okay?_

_Kate, I love you._

_I love you, Kate._

"Was anyone else injured?" she asked, unable to put the fragments of her memory in the right order. Since she didn't feel well right now, Kate postponed the analysis of them for a later time.

"No. You're the only one."

"How long was I out?"

"Two days. I was worried."

"Do you know if the sniper was apprehended yet?" She had been unconscious for two days; that was two days too long. She had a lot to catch up on.

"I'm sorry, Kate, I don't know anything about the case. But I'll inform Detectives Ryan and Esposito that you're awake." Josh got up and kissed her head. "I'll get your doctor so that he can check you out."

Before Josh could leave the room she stopped him. "Josh."

"Yeah?" he turned around, looking questioningly at her.

"Could you call Castle, please?"

Something flashed through his eyes but it was too quick for her to tell exactly what it was. His answer came with a few second delay, and he looked decidedly uncomfortable. Maybe she shouldn't have asked him, but she wanted to see her partner. "Of course". Then he disappeared from her field of vision.

* * *

"Dad, I'll only be there for two and a half months not two and a half years!"

"I just want to be sure that you have everything you need," answered Castle. He followed her to the kitchen, oblivious that his cell was lying on the table and humming with an incoming call.

Alexis rolled her eyes, because her father was sometimes just like a little kid. No, not sometimes; always. Sometimes more, sometimes less. She had just packed her bags for her temporary stay in Paris, and her dad seemed to believe that it wasn't enough.

"I'm not moving to Paris. If I forget something, I'll just buy it there."

"You want to buy daily new clothes?"

"It's Paris, Dad, not a jungle. I'm pretty sure that there will be some laundry facilities."

"But you won't have time to do laundry while you're working."

"I won't work all the time."

"True. But you're going to spend most of your free time with your amazing dad, sightseeing and such," he told her.

Castle had decided to accompany his daughter to Paris, but he wouldn't be going home with her after those two and a half months. He wouldn't accompany Alexis straight away either, since he had to take care of some things beforehand, mostly concerning Gina and Black Pawn. She'd probably be anything but happy about his plans.

He planned to enjoy those two and a half months with his daughter in Paris and, while she'd take a flight back home, he'd be on his way to the real trip he had planned. Castle planned to walk the Way of St. James, and it would be a new challenge for him. Something new and he could hardly wait for it. His family wasn't so happy about it though, since he'd be walking alone. That meant five hundred miles packed with loneliness, hard weather conditions, and high physical performance. It was a trip into the unknown.

Since the moment he started to plan this trip, he'd gone to the gym regularly, and he would continue his training in Paris. After all, his daughter would be working most of the days so he would have a lot of time to work on his fitness.

Another thing his family, and especially Gina, was going to hate was that he'd be gone for several weeks: weeks in which he would neither write a single word nor be reachable to anyone. Though Castle would have his cell with him, he wouldn't have reception most of the time while walking to the destinations each day.

He was fine with that; the writer wouldn't have to go to meetings with Gina, and he could sort out his thoughts. Maybe he could come up with new things to do after this trip.

One thing was for sure, however, his life at the Twelfth Precinct was over. A new stage of life would begin now.

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**Originally I planned that Castle would travel through Europe but then I remembered that it was revealed in one episode that he pretty much has been in a lot of countries already. At that moment I was reading a book about the Way of St. James and thought that this could exactly be the kind of adventure he'd want to take part in.**

**Tell me what you think.**

**Enjoy your day.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi guys,**

**I finally passed all my exams, which means I have time to write again.**

**Though I want to apologize for the long wait and hope you'll like this update.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.**

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**Chapter 3**

"Hey, how are you doing?" Kate looked towards the door in surprise, and smiled when she saw Ryan and Esposito standing there.

"Fine, but I've been better. Any news of the sniper?"

Ryan groaned, pulled out a twenty and gave it to Esposito, who accepted the bill with a wide grin. Amused and slightly confused by their behavior, she observed them as she waited for an explanation.

"Ryan and I had a little bet going on," Javi explained. "I knew that your first question would be about the sniper. Ryan had thought otherwise." That was just one part of their bet. While Espo really thought so, Ryan thought that she'd have asked for her partner first, and right now they wanted to prolong that conversation as long as they could.

"You two are unbelievable," Kate remarked and shook her head at their antics." So _are_ there any news now?"

"The search is still in progress, but as of now we still have nothing. Sorry." Ryan admitted.

She was slightly disappointed to hear that they hadn't found the sniper yet, but she shouldn't have expected it. With her in the hospital, they were one member short and as much as Castle was trying, he wasn't a real police officer.

Castle.

She had yet to hear from him. Josh told her that he couldn't reach him. However she wasn't sure if he spoke the truth or simply ignored her request. But he should've found out from the boys that she had woken up, so why hadn't he come and visited her? It had been a day and she would've thought that he'd come see her as soon as he heard the news.

"What about Castle? Has he been at the precinct lately?" Kate asked quietly, almost as if she didn't want anyone to hear her and give her an actual answer. An answer she might not want to hear. His absence irritated her. The man she knew wouldn't have stayed away that long, and furthermore, she hadn't the slightest idea where they stood now. Before the funeral she had made it perfectly clear that he wasn't welcome anymore, but then there were her blurred memories of his declaration of love. And she really thought that their relationship, their _partnership_ couldn't become more complicated.

Both Esposito and Ryan looked uncertainly at each other. As if they had no real information for her, and she could already guess what their answer would be. "No. He hasn't been to the precinct once," Ryan answered. "And he told us he won't come anymore."

Kate looked up at them with wide eyes, shocked from the news she had just received. But should she really be? After all, she had told him to leave. But, after what had happened at the funeral, she'd have been sure he'd stop by. Maybe even try to reason with her and talk her into letting him come back. Besides, he had proven his incompetence at following her orders again and again in the past. So why would he suddenly start listening to them now?

"He said that he finished his research. That he has enough material for the remaining books of the Heat series. Castle also said that it's time to start something new." Javi added.

"Does that mean he'll end the series?" A light tremble could be heard in her voice, but Kate hoped that the boys hadn't noticed it. She couldn't meet their eyes while she waited for the answer, dread piling up in to pit of her belly.

"He didn't exactly tell us his plans, just that he's taking a creative break," Ryan looked almost apologetic as he fished something out of his pocket. "And, he asked us to give you this."

Ryan handed Beckett an envelope, folded in the middle to fit in his coat pocket, "We haven't sneaked a glance." he promised.

A letter? After all this time, he couldn't even tell her his decisions personally?

Maybe Kate should have known better, but she had really thought that Castle had changed. That he wasn't so selfish or arrogant anymore; obviously she had been wrong. He was still incapable of treating people with the same respect as they gave him. He was still just a big kid.

When she held the eulogy, Kate had thought about their partnership. Thought about all those moments in which they were there for each other, as well as all those moments in which they had laughed, cried, struggled, fought, and survived together. At that moment she had suddenly realized that she didn't _want_ him to leave, that she liked him at her side, and she planned to tell him after the burial that he should forget her angry words. That she hadn't meant them. To be honest, she would have thought that Castle would not leave the hospital until she woke up. His loyalty and his care for her had seemed indisputable.

Kate put the letter between two vases on the table next to her, not eager to read what Castle had put on that sheet of paper. Right now, she had to work through the shocking news of his leaving first. Besides, she'd like to read the letter without an audience. Who knew what Castle had written to her. But really, who confesses his love to someone and then simply disappears out of her life?

"And how will things continue with you for now?" Espo's question broke Kate out of her thoughts.

"My doctor told me that I should be able to leave at the end of next week, but of course I'll have to complete rehab before I can even think about coming back to work."

"Well, we hope that you'll recover quickly so that you can come back. Everyone misses you terribly." Ryan said.

"Don't worry. I'll be back before you know it." she smiled. Hopefully rehab wouldn't take _too_ long.

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Castle grabbed his bag, and closed the door to his bedroom. In two hours he'd be sitting on a flight to Paris. He hoped that he packed everything he needed. His mother sat at the kitchen island, observing him closely as she sipped her drink.

"Please, try not to transform the loft in a complete battlefield while Alexis and I are gone." Castle pleaded to his mother, a teasing twinkle in his eyes.

"I'm sure I can control myself." she answered dryly, looking at him with an intense expression. "Are you _really_ sure that you want to do this?"

"What? Go to Paris?" Castle asked, already knowing what exactly she meant.

"Not _that; _the other thing. You walking the Way of St. James."

"I've already told you that you can't persuade me out of this. I planned it and will seeing it through."

"Richard, is this because of what happened to Beckett?"

"This has nothing to do with Beckett. Honestly? I've always asked myself just what it would be like to walk the Way of St. James." Castle cut her off.

"Oh really? Until a few days ago, I'd never heard you breathe a word of this insane idea." Martha looked at him knowingly, "You couldn't have changed anything, what happened was _not_ your fault, and if you'd bother to talk to Beckett, she'd be the first to tell you that too."

"I'm not a good influence," he insisted stubbornly, "I don't follow rules, and my behavior has endangered people before. Kate survived, thank god, but there could come a time where we won't be that lucky."

"That's her job! She knew what she'd signed up for. Besides she wouldn't have let you stay that long if she thought you just endangered others. Not to mention that you've grown a lot since you started working with Beckett. You're not the Richard Castle I knew before your time at the Twelfth."

"Really? Because I don't see any changes in myself. I still get others into trouble. Serious trouble."

"Talk to her, Richard. She deserves more than just a letter from you."

Castle simply shook his head. "You're completely right, mother. She deserves more. More than I could ever give her."

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**Please leave a review and tell me how you liked this chapter.**

**Wish you all a great start into a new week.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi everyone,**

**Finally finished the next chapter. Castle's adventure is beginning now.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.**

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**Chapter 4**

Kate tiredly opened the door to her apartment, knowing that it had been a long time since she had stepped foot into her home. The last two and a half months were spent at her family's cabin to recover, but she had a doctor's appointment tomorrow and she hoped to return to work soon. That was, if her psychologist approved of her return. Until then she had no real plans.

It was strange to be home again. In contrast to the family cabin, New York was loud and hectic. Her apartment looked as if she had just left this morning, and her eyes immediately darted to the left.

There it was: Castle's letter leaning on a vase, still sealed.

She wasn't sure whether or not she had wished for it to disappear in her absence. Until now, she hadn't been able to talk herself into opening it and reading the last words he wrote for her. Because that would make his leaving final; that he had really left for good after all this time.

But it wasn't just that. Kate was still angry with him for leaving without a word. Castle hadn't come to _her _to tell her the news personally, but instead just walked away as if they hadn't been working together for three years. Her friends hadn't told her anything further than his plans to accompany Alexis to Paris and that was her own fault. The news about Paris had come from Lanie, but before she could tell Kate about anything else, the detective had shot a dark glance at her best friend, telling her to stop right there. At that time she didn't want to know anything about him. He seemed to not care about her, so why should she care about him?

But something had stopped her from getting rid of his letter. Josh told her more than once to just throw it away, especially after he noticed that she wouldn't open it. Once, Kate actually had managed to throw it away, but then she spent the whole evening sitting on her couch, staring conflictingly at her trash bin. Until, after what seemed like an eternity, she finally pulled the letter out again and placed it back on her dresser. Kate just felt incapable of destroying this piece of paper; this letter that held Castle's thoughts, carefully written down for her.

Josh. They broke up just before she drove to the cabin. Though Josh said he understood, she could see the hurt in his eyes and felt bad for putting it there. But as much as she tried, she couldn't imagine a future with him. Since then, Kate had hardly thought about him, but hoped that he'd find someone who could offer him so much more than she could. A woman that could love him with her whole heart; not someone that had already given her heart away a long time ago.

Kate carried her bag further into her apartment, resolutely ignoring the letter that seemed to burn a hole into her dresser. She'd meet Lanie for coffee tomorrow, because she desperately wanted to get up to speed on all of the things she had missed during her absence.

The pain she had felt every time she moved had slowly died down over the time. Now it hurt just a few times a week. The beginning of her recovery had been the worst. Kate had completely been useless, unable to even lift her arm without crying out in agony. She had been forced to depend on others and that was something she never liked. Kate loved her independence and to lose it, even if it was just temporarily, was something she'd never accept. It made her feel vulnerable and she worked hard to get this part of her back. The moment she had been able to manage on her own, her dad left her alone, letting her lick her wounds in peace. After all, he knew his daughter well enough to know what she needed it. But that didn't stop him from calling once a day though.

She could hardly wait to get back to normal.

* * *

Castle sat on the little terrace of a hotel in the French town of Saint-Jean-Pied-de-Port. Two days ago, he had bid his farewells to his daughter, smiling as he thought back on how she had once again tried to change his mind. But he had stayed adamant. He had made good use of his time in Paris and prepared himself for his new adventure. He had once again promised to call as often as he could, but he'd keep his family, and all the other people whom cared through posts on his website informed. Even then she wasn't happy to have to visit his website, but he had told her that she could see him any time she'd want through little videos he'd take with his phone. It may not be live, but it was as close as he could get.

As Alexis had hugged him at the airport, Castle had felt like she was squeezing all oxygen out of his body, but the tight embrace was exactly what he needed before he left for his tour. Six weeks without seeing his daughter was the only disadvantage of his plan.

After they finally let go of each other, Alexis headed towards her flight to New York and he went to his plane, which had taken him to Bordeaux, France. Once there Castle had checked into a hotel, put his bag in his room and made his way to the railway station to book a ticket to Saint-Jean-Pied-de-Port for the next day.

What he didn't know was that this simple task would be the first, albeit little, challenge of his tour. The man who was selling the tickets for the railway was set on believing that Saint-Jean-Pied-de-Port didn't exist in France. So there the writer had been, in front of a ticket counter with a man who couldn't speak English while he in turn couldn't speak French. Though Castle learnt a few phrases while he was in Paris, it was nowhere enough to get through that thick skull of this very stubborn man. After some time he got help from a man who had been patiently waiting for his turn, so at least they could communicate properly now. It all ended with him grabbing a map and showing the man that the place really existed _and_ that it was in France, right at the border to Spain.

It had never before taken him so long to get a simple train ticket.

The night at the hotel in Bordeaux had been a restless one. Castle just couldn't fall asleep, turning constantly from one side to the other. Maybe the excitement for his adventure had finally caught up to him. He napped a little on his way to Saint-Jean-Pied-de-Port, but he had been afraid to fall asleep, since he had to switch trains once. It'd have been just his luck to miss his switch by oversleeping.

Saint-Jean-Pied-de-Port was a small place at the foot of the French Pyrenees. To be honest, Castle had never heard of this place before he began to plan his tour. He imagined this place as a little sleepy village with not a lot of things to do, but man, had he been wrong.

In reality, this place was a small town, but it seemed to be filled with lots of other pilgrims who wanted to walk the Way of St. James. As he sat in a café this afternoon, he was surprised how many cars drove through the town. The temperature though was quite cold, so that he wore his warmer clothes.

Castle did a little sightseeing throughout the day. There was a market place where one could buy all kinds of junk. Apparently things a pilgrim needed for his trip to Santiago de Compostela, but even he, who was always happy to try something out, doubted he needed even half of those things. The only thing he bought was a big, heavy, wooden travelling stick. It had been a good idea at first, however as he walked through the streets he wasn't so sure anymore.

Before he had gone back to his hotel, he took a look at the beginning of the Camino Frances. The route began the moment one would walk through something like a town gate and ended after five hundred miles in the Spanish city Santiago de Compostela. In fact, it ended directly in front of the cathedral there. He'd had a look at the beginning of the way, the beginning of the Camino Frances. Castle's plan aimed for approximated thirty-five days, but he wasn't worried if it would take longer. He was a writer after all. Gina was angry either way, and a few more days wouldn't change this.

Before his departure, he got himself a pilgrim's passport. All stations of the Way of St. James had their own stamps. Those stamps would be marked on the passport. If one had the needed stamps, he or she would be rewarded with a gold-framed certificate. Furthermore, rumor had it that all of the person's sins would be forgiven. Castle wasn't a religious man by any means, but if there _was_ some truth about this fact, then he really hoped that his sins would be forgiven. And, maybe, somewhere along the way, he'd even manage to forgive _himself_ for what happened to Beckett.

Those stamps couldn't be cheated though. It wasn't possible to travel by car or train to all the needed stations. Some stations were only reachable by bike or foot. But one didn't need to walk the _whole_ way for this certificate. To get this nice piece of paper one had to at least walk the last 62 miles of the path or the last 124 miles if travelling by bike. These stations consisted of pilgrim's hostels, churches or cloisters. But most of the pilgrims travelled the whole way, and they didn't do this because of the certificate, but instead for the experience they would collect on the way to the cathedral of Santiago de Compostela.

Other than him, a lot of people walked the way to think about god and do soul-searching. Castle was just looking for a new challenge. While this was his choice of words, his family took this trip rather as a distraction. A distraction from Katherine Beckett. Maybe they were right, but if Castle planned to do something to distract himself from the Detective, this certainly would be the wrong way. He'd travel alone. That meant thirty-five days with only his thoughts and he was pretty sure that Kate Beckett would be in them every single day of his tour through Spain. Sometimes more, sometimes less.

Today he had gotten his first stamp; the stamp that marked the point where his journey had begun. After he had gotten that stamp, he was assigned to a pilgrim's bed and when he entered the room, he was surprised at how many people there were. It seemed that Castle's last night before his adventure wouldn't be restful at all, seeing that around twenty pilgrims shared the room and everyone looked quite sociable.

He walked over to his bed for the night and put down his bag which weighed around twenty-four pounds and, as much as he had hoped to take a little bit more with him, Castle knew he had to limit the load. After all, he'd have to carry it all the way to Santiago de Compostela. Only the most necessary things had made it in his bag. A guide, a sleeping-bag as well as a sleeping pad, the passport, clothes for hot days (he already wore the clothes for colder days), a change of clothes, a coat, blistering plaster, sun cream, burn spray, a water bottle, a towel, his camera as well as his cell phone, and some money.

Before he went to bed, he switched on his camera. It was time for his first post, and why not start with a little video. Castle held up the camera and grinned into the lens. "Hey, guys."

* * *

**I hope you liked it. Thanks for the response so far. I'm loving all of them. Haven't thought at the beginning, that this story would be so much liked by you guys!**

**You're awesome!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi guys,**

**I know it's been a long time since the last update, but a lot of things were going on in my life and I'm not really satisfied with the chapters I have written in advance. So now I have to work on them again, changing a few things.**

**With this update I want to let you know that I haven't forgotten about this story.**

**Again, I'm really sorry that you had to wait so long.**

**Hopefully you enjoy this update.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

The moment the alarm went off Castle opened his eyes, groping for his phone to silence it. Hopefully the alarm hadn't disturbed anyone else in the room, but as he glanced around, he noticed that the most of the other pilgrims he had shared the room with were already gone. He tiredly stretched his limbs, before standing up.

Finally.

Today was the first of many days on the Camino Frances.

Looking outside he noticed that it would be a cloudy day. He grabbed his rain coat out of his bag and prepared himself for his first day on his tour.

Today's destination would be Roncesvalles in Spain. And while he knew exactly what he was getting himself into with this journey, Castle couldn't keep himself from groaning when he thought about the fact that he'd spend the next several hours constantly walking up the Pyrenees.

The ascent was hefty. The path was made out of cobblestones, and no matter how he walked, his wooden staff was always in the way.

On his way up the weather got worse. Half an hour after he had started his journey, it had started to rain and the higher he hiked the foggier the view became. Now and then he looked around, but he never saw anyone. He was alone. No one was walking in front of or behind him.

The fog robbed him more and more of the sight, and he started to have difficulties orientating himself. According to his guide this was one of the special places in Europe, and as he saw a picture of the scenery in his guide this morning he could understand why it was so special. The view of wonderful, snow-covered mountains with beautiful green fields at the bottom with dozens of sheep was breath-taking.

But he saw none of it because of the fog.

After a three hour march up the mountain, he finally reached the pass of Roncesvalles. It was raining cats and dogs now, even his coat didn't stand a chance against the masses of water that poured down onto him, and so after his clothes got more and more drenched, his mood steadily sank. There was a squishing noise with every step he took, since his shoes were also completely wet. He cursed himself internally that he had trusted the words of the sales man in the shop who had insisted that his equipment would be absolutely waterproof.

He sighed. He just hoped that his backpack would at least be completely dry.

The visibility had gotten worse too. Rick could hardly see his own outstretched hands anymore. Taking a minute to catch his breath, he found a big stone to sit down on. His clothes were already wet, so sitting upon the wet stone wouldn't make a difference anymore. As he sat there he glanced around hoping to find some signs, but all he saw was the white of the fog.

His thoughts drifted to Kate. He wondered how she was.

It was a good thing that he had poor reception over his daily trips to his destination, for his urge to call her and to hear her voice was strong.

But that wouldn't be fair. To either of them. He had arranged this trip to put distance between them, separating him from her life. He wanted to release her life from his brainless and childlike behavior. She needed a better partner. One who could help her with paperwork. One who could get her out of the line of a bullet _in time_.

Kate needed a partner who was everything _he_ wasn't.

After he rested for a few minutes he forced himself to continue on. It would get him nowhere to wait for the fog to pass. Trusting his luck, the whiteness of the fog would be merely trade itself with the nothingness of the dark night, and he would rather not walk through the Pyrenees in the middle of the night.

As he reached the top the fog had cleared out a bit. Taking in his surroundings he saw something in the distance. Walking closer he recognized it from a picture in his guide.

The Fontaine De Roland.

Relieved, a feeling of happiness flooded through his body. On his way up he had emptied his water bottle, and now he finally had the chance to refill it. Though it had rained most of the day, his throat felt dry.

Rick rolled his eyes as he saw the golden faucet. He was in the middle of the Pyrenees and stood in front of a little fountain with a freaking golden faucet. The money spent on the faucet would've certainly be needed somewhere else, someplace better than here.

But why spend it on food for poor people when you could have a golden faucet in the middle of nowhere, Rick thought sarcastically.

Castle pulled out his water bottle and turned the faucet. He turned and turned but nothing happened.

No water came out of it.

Not one drop.

On the left and right side of the Fontaine De Roland were two streams, but the water looked filthy and Rick wasn't keen on drinking it. The feelings of happiness he had experienced not five minutes ago quickly vanished again.

This stupid fountain was the only one on his trip to Roncesvalles!

He slumped down, exhausted, at the edge of the fountain, closing his eyes. Should this be the end of his trip? Other people could walk this path without any problem, so why couldn't he? Not even through the first day and he felt like he was failing.

Suddenly he heard a strange noise in the distance. A noise that didn't fit into the loneliness he found himself in. Rick listened more attentively and, if he wasn't completely mistaken, the noise sounded almost like a car. But it couldn't be, could it?

And there it was.

A car appeared in the distance, driving towards him. New hope spread through him, and he stood up. Finally, a glimmer of hope on the horizon.

* * *

Kate entered the crowded coffee shop and scanned through the throng of people for her friend. She was already late, having forgotten how bad the traffic in New York really was. Kate had been surprised at how unfamiliar the city was after spending so much time at her family's cabin. Moreover, the anonymity, which had never before been a problem before, was slowly getting to her. There were times she felt like she was being watched. Sometimes a passerby looked at her, almost like they pitied her as if they knew what had happened, and she hoped they didn't recognize her from the newspaper. Her dad had told her that the news of her shooting had made its way into the local news, but she didn't want to know anything about those newspapers.

She had been there that day. Had had a front-row seat on this day. It had been her who had been shot, and she wanted to forget it. Forget it all. Reading newspapers of this dark day would be anything but forgetting.

Kate found her friend Lanie Parish sitting at one of the tables in the back of the coffee shop. It was good to see her again. There was this feeling of familiarity, something that reminded her of the normality her life before a bullet had made its way into her heart. The normality she so desperately wanted to get back again.

"Finally! I started to think you stood me up." Lanie greeted her friend, enveloping Kate in a tight but soft embrace."I missed you."

Kate smiled softly. "I missed you too."

They sat down and Kate noted that a cup of coffee was already waiting for her. Kate took a sip, enjoying the taste of her favorite brew. Thankfully it still was warm enough. Lanie smiled, satisfied, at her friend, happy to see her up and well again. "You didn't really think that after all this time writer boy is the only one to know your coffee order, did you?"

"Do you know anything about my case?" Kate asked, trying to change topics immediately. She wanted to prevent any conversation that could lead to the topic of _Castle_. Besides she really _did_ want to know what the police had learned about her sniper.

"I'm sorry, Girl. I can't really tell you anything. You'd have to speak to the boys directly. The only thing _I_ know is that the new Captain put it to rest for now."

Kate looked up, horrified."What?! Why would he do that?"

"She. And it was because they haven't had any leads for a while now. New cases kept piling up on their desk."

"But someone must have seen the sniper! Anyone. He must have left some tracks! He's not a ghost, Lanie. He can't just disappear like that!"

Lanie waited patiently for Kate's rambling to end. She could understand her friend's anger, but she couldn't help her. The new Captain had put the case to the staple containing all the cases that were still unsolved. Another cold case. Newer cases, cases that couldn't wait, came onto their desks. People wouldn't just stop killing others, just because Detective Kate Beckett and her team were occupied with another case.

"Where are the files now?"

Lanie already knew that she wouldn't like the answer to that question. "Ryan and Esposito didn't want anybody to find out about Montgomery's involvement in the case. It would have ruined the memory of a good Captain."

"So, I take it they put them in a safe place." Kate stated impatiently.

"They persuaded Castle to keep them. He didn't want to at first, but they won him over in the end. Though I don't know how they did it."

Kate closed resignedly her eyes. She should have known that she couldn't avoid the topic of Castle forever, but did it have to be that soon? What she didn't understand was how he didn't want anything to do with the police anymore and still agree to watch over the files of her mother's case. He had to know she'd want those files as soon as she got back, meaning she'd have to go and see him. Why the letter? Why did he write a letter to her when he knew he'd see her again? Or was the letter an indication of where he had put the files?

Maybe it was finally time to read his letter. If the location of the files really was written down in this letter, she should be lucky as hell that she didn't listen to Josh about getting rid of it.

"I'm really sorry that I couldn't tell you more."

"It's okay. I just didn't think that it would be me who'd make the first step in contacting him."

* * *

Rick laughed happily as he saw the cloister walls of Roncesvalles appear in the distance. He had to admit that there were moments in which he thought that he'd never finish his first stage of the journey. But he made it. His first day was almost over. Roughly 16 miles through the Pyrenees.

The car had stopped next to him at the Fontaine De Roland. It had been a worker on an alp, and he was able to help Rick refill his water bottle. With that silver lining came new hope and motivation, especially as he started his descent to the Spanish village Roncesvalles soon after his encounter with the alp worker.

It was a precipitously small path, and the rain made everything slippery. For the first time since his start, Rick had been very glad that he bought the wooden staff. He doubted that he'd have been able to make the descent without it.

The cloister in Roncesvalles looked a bit misplaced. It was too big and lumpy for the tired and aching bones successfully carried him towards the cloister, the official hostel for the was cold inside the cloister, and it looked in serious need of a clean-up operation. Rick had a clear view of the main hall, and he estimated the number of guests to be around fifty. Many of them had spread out their clothes to dry them after this rainy day.

He sought out one of the members of the cloister to get his stamp and be assigned a bed for the night. He just wanted to lay down and sleep until the next morning, but like the others he first spread out his clothes to dry them. The next thing he did was write down his experiences of the day. He was sure that Alexis would check immediately if he posted something, and he didn't want her to worry if she didn't find anything, as short as it may be. Because it would be short.

Right now, he didn't have the energy to write more than necessary.

* * *

**Wish you all a great week!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello everyone,**

**I surprised myself by finishing the next chapter so soon, but I'm sure you don't mind :D**

**Enjoy the quick update.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.**

* * *

**Chapter 6**

Kate took a deep breath before knocking on the door. She had kept sitting in the coffee shop long after Lane had left, and thought about her conversation with her best friend. Even when he wasn't there, when he tried to remove himself from her life, Castle still played a huge part in it. And even though she should be angry with Ryan and Esposito, Kate couldn't stay mad at them for trying to help.

If she'd be honest with herself, she would have done the same thing. Castle had proven himself to be trustworthy, that she could rely on him to have her back. She could always count on him. Yet, after he had resigned from following her she didn't know how things would play out. Apparently he wanted to avoid her at all costs, not even saying goodbye to her in person. Kate was afraid that their meeting would end up uncomfortable and awkward.

But how could it be uncomfortable and awkward after all they'd been through?

After weighing up the pros and cons, Kate had decided to go over to the loft and speak to him in person. Maybe the confrontation with the writer would finally shed some light on everything. That was exactly where she was now, standing in front of Castle's door and waiting for him to open it.

She was just about to knock again, when the door was opened and a confused redhead was staring at her.

"Detective Beckett?"

"Hi Alexis." Kate greeted Castle's daughter.

"How are you doing?"

"Better than a few months ago."

"That's good to hear."

"Could I speak to your dad?"

Once again confusion found its way onto the face of the teenager in front of Kate. Had she missed something? Was there something she should know?

"My father isn't here, Detective."

Okay, maybe she should have called before coming to the loft. She had considered the possibility of him not being at home. But just briefly, opting to try her luck anyway. "Do you know when he'll be home tonight?"

Alexis shook her head. "I'm sorry, but he won't be home any time soon."

"What do you mean? I thought he went to Paris with you?" she asked, confused.

"And he _was_ there with me. But he didn't fly back home with me."

That certainly was something she'd have never guessed. Castle stayed in Paris? Why? Was he doing research? He loved New York, loved to spend so much time with his family. So why didn't he come back home? Alexis seemed to notice the flood of questions shooting through her mind.

"Why don't you come in? Maybe I can help you."

Kate followed Alexis to the living room. "That's nice of you, but I'm afraid you won't be able to help me. What is your dad doing in Paris?"

"Oh, my dad isn't in Paris anymore. While I flew back to New York, he took a flight to Bordeaux. From there on he took a train to a small place at the French border."

"And what's his plan there?"

Alexis rolled her eyes as she thought about her dad's plans. "He's going to walk the Way of St. James. He planned the whole trip. Whatever you need my dad for, you have to wait for the next six weeks until he'll be back."

Castle walking the Way of St. James? Where did he get that idea from? Did he end his shadowing because of that? Would he come back to the precinct after ending his journey? Might have his goodbye really been just temporary? Maybe she had misunderstood everything.

New hope flared up in her, running wildly through her body.

It _had to_ be like that. Castle wouldn't have been able to leave like he did. Not without talking to her personally. He surely knew that she'd start rehabilitation after being released from the hospital, giving him time to live through such an adventure.

Even though Kate didn't like the way he had left without telling her anything about it, she could work with that new possibility.

He'd be back in a few weeks.

Was that the reason why he wrote her the letter? Explaining to her why he did what he did?

"Does that mean he'll come back to the Twelfth when he's back?" Kate asked, needing confirmation. Something, anything that wouldn't already drown the new found hope as soon as it had come up. But at the same time she was fighting this hope, trying to reclaim her cool exterior.

She was a grown woman who'd be perfectly fine without him. She had managed well before he had stepped into her life.

But was that want she really wanted?

Did she want to live like that again?

"I'm afraid it doesn't look like it, but I don't really know his plans that well."

"Alexis, darling! Guess who- Oh, Detective Beckett! What a pleasant surprise." Martha entered the loft and hugged Kate tightly. "How are you, my dear?"

"I'm fine, thanks for asking." Kate smiled.

"To what do we owe your visit?"

"She wanted to speak to Dad."

"Oh. Didn't he talk to you before he flew to Paris? He told me he'd inform you of his plans beforehand."

Kate shook her head. "No, he didn't. He left me a letter, but I haven't read it yet. I was a little busy with recovery and all." Kate deflected. The last thing she wanted was for anyone to find out that she just might be afraid to read that stupid letter.

_His_ letter.

To her.

"Do you know if Dad will return to the precinct when he's back again, Gram?

"I'm afraid that he didn't plan to return."

"Why not?" Right now, the exact thing she'd been afraid of was happening. The new hope of Castle's return was crushed. How did this man manage to sneak into her life, show her how things could be, and make it hard for her to imagine life continuing without him in it?

Did not even _want_ to imagine it!

He had improved her life in so many ways. Gotten her out of her shell, snuffle at life.

Martha glanced at Kate sympathetically, and that was the moment she knew that Martha knew something. "What is it?"

The red-haired woman sighed resigned. "Well, Richard feels guilty about what happened to you."

"Guilty? He isn't responsible for what happened."

"And I've told him that, but he didn't listen."

"Is it because of what happened at the hospital?" Alexis asked, hearing for the first time that her dad felt guilty about the shooting. She knew that those words of Dr. Davidson had hit him deeply, but not that he was still haunted by them.

Martha threw a confirming glance to her granddaughter. But Kate was just getting more confused. She was clearly missing something here. "What exactly did happen at the hospital?"

"There had been a fight." Martha started. "Between Richard and Dr. Davidson."

Castle and Josh? She had known all along that those two couldn't stand each other, but engage in an open fight? Castle and Josh were too peaceful to harm someone without reason.

Just once she hadn't been able to watch over this kindergarten drama, and everything erupted in chaos. "What happened between those two?"

"Dr. Davidson accused my dad that _he_ was the reason for everything that happened. That it was _his_ fault that Montgomery's dead. That it was _his_ fault that you almost died."

"I've told him that it's not true, that you'd never blame him for-"

"Of course not." Kate interrupted Martha.

Martha raised her hand trying to calm down the Detective. "Still, the seed of doubt has been planted." Martha continued.

"Is that the reason why he did this six-week-trip?" Did he want to distance himself? Was he searching for absolution?

"I'm afraid it is. Though he tried to claim something else."

"Is there a way to get in touch with him?"

"Not that I know of. He won't be in an area with constant cell phone reception. The only way to keep up with his progress is through his postings on his homepage, and he's lucky if he can make them out there."

"Postings?"

"Dad wants to post his daily experience on his homepage for everyone to follow his progress, giving everyone the chance to be _somewhat_ with him on this journey. If he can pull it off he'll even upload short videos now and then. It's like a travel diary."

"And he'll be gone for six weeks?" Kate asked again.

"That's his plan for now."

Six weeks. She had to wait six weeks until she could clear up things with Castle. It was long, but she couldn't do anything about it.

She'd just have to endure it.

Concerning the file of her mother's case, she'd just have to wait until he was back. She knew the most important details of it, and that had to be enough for now. She could work without them for a while.

* * *

As Castle woke this morning he noted surprised that he wasn't feeling any pain from yesterday's activity. He had been pretty sure that he'd feel every muscle in his body, and not be able to walk to his destination for the day, especially since he even had trouble walking up the staircase in the cloister. It had taken him forever to climb those ten stairs.

Good thing that no one saw him like that – at least no one who recognized him. He would have never lived that one down.

The first thing on his agenda was breakfast, his stomach already grumbled at the thought of food. After breakfast he'd start his six and a half hour walk to Zubiri, an extensive breakfast would strengthen him for that walk. Rick had already bought some snacks for his hike to Zubiri at a little shop near the cloister. It wasn't a big shop and there wasn't a huge assortment, yet it was somewhat of a highlight in this place for Rick.

Just like yesterday, the path led him right through the mountains again, and much to his dismay his shoes were still a little wet. But he'd have to suck it up, seeing that he hadn't brought spare shoes with him.

Castle glanced up and noted happily that no clouds were in sight today. However the sun was burning everything up, and even when he had read about this he was rather surprised that such weather extremes could be found here. He'd have never thought that the sun would burn down onto him after yesterday. After all it had rained endlessly, and even the best umbrella would have given in quite quickly. And now midsummer had broken out today. Though Castle would certainly not complain, preferring to walk in the sun rather than through the rain.

Unlike yesterday the path wasn't just stony and cold but green with a lot of trees, giving him a beautiful view, especially now when he could really _see_ where he was walking to. The green shone with all its glory, a rich color that was a nice scenery for someone who normally just sees the city life, and just sometimes going to the park. But this place was so much better than the city park, some animals rushed through the trees on both of his sides, not caring for the people that pass by.

Castle also noticed that there were no other people walking the path he was on right now, he was alone just like yesterday. Though maybe he took the wrong path, seeing that the hand-painted yellow arrows on trees, fences, stones or streets which were marking the Way of St. James were particularly hard to recognize.

He walked through some Basque villages. The houses were built in a quite interesting way, letting his thoughts jump towards the fairy tales he had read to Alexis when she was little. Thousands of ideas ran through his head, thinking of ways to integrate the architectural style of the villages into his next book. If it wouldn't be so far from home, Castle would walk this path through the forest more often, enjoying a sunny day without any worries. He'd leave them at home while he would be out here.

As he walked on a wonderful arranged high route some time later, Castle saw some birds circling high above him in the sky. They were too far up in the air to tell what kind of birds they were, and he really hoped that they weren't some vultures that saw him as a meal.

Since the trees had cleared out he walked directly in the hot sun, no shadows of trees to walk under and it honestly was too much. His clothes clung to him, sweat dripped down his face. He felt like he was sitting in a sauna. Adding to the heat he found himself in, his muscles started to ache and after a few more minutes he had to slow down his pace.

Not wanting to completely overexert himself on his second day, he took a break at the next village he encountered. Luckily there was a little bakery in which he could sit down and eat and drink something.

Feeling well enough after his snack and a cold refreshing drink, Castle continued his way to Zubiri. A mile further down the path he came to a small barn with a cattle watering place in front of it, in which new mountain water steadily flowed. Castle took this as a chance to refill his water bottle. After that he held his head under the cold stream. It wouldn't matter if his hair was styled as if he was on a gala or completely soaked. No one was here to see, or even recognize him. And even if there should be someone around, he didn't care. The cold water just felt too good on his skin.

After a quick look to his left and right to make sure that he was still alone, he took off his shoes and put his feet into the cold water, enjoying the coolness of the mountain water working its magic on his almost reeky limbs. That was exactly what he needed.

He couldn't help but wonder what Beckett would say if she saw him like this, could almost imagine her eye-roll. However he was sure that she would be quickly joining him after such a hot day. After all she wouldn't be Beckett if she wouldn't be able to surprise him from time to time.

Glancing at his watch he sighed, knowing that he had to leave. Quickly drying his feet and putting on his shoes again, he began his two and a half hour walk uphill, wishing he'd remained at the cattle watering place. Though as much as he hated the way up the mountain, the descent to Zubiri was far worse. Two hours of pure hell. Even his guide warned him that the descent was very sheer and nothing for normal tourists. Castle hadn't really thought about it much, had been used to sheer descents from yesterday, yet he was completely mistaken.

The whole time he was on his way down to Zubiri he often stumbled and he should probably be lucky that he didn't fall and break some of his bones. Yesterday he had been happy to have his wooden staff with him on the descent, but now he had to admit that he wouldn't have made it down in one piece without it.A few times he stopped and looked around, confused, searching for any sights that he was still on the right path since it didn't really look like an official path of the Way of St. James. He had absolutely no idea where to step to next, had to even climb a few times. This descent was a total exercise for the whole body and his mind.

To say that he was relieved when he reached Zubiri was an understatement. He had thought that yesterday had been rather exhausting, but his hike from Roncesvalles to Zubiri brought him to his limits.

But that was okay. He had prepared himself for some hard days. He had wanted a challenge and he got just that. Every day was a new adventure.

The Puente de la Rabia, a medieval pilgrim bridge, led the way to Zubiri. Even often called as the rabies-bridge. His imagination went into overdrive as he thought about the many reasons as to why the bridge was called that. Thousand scenarios rushed through his mind which were certainly worthy to be in any of the thrillers he had read in his life.

As he entered the pilgrim hostel, Castle was surprised when he saw a playground for kids. He couldn't imagine that many children used it. The Way of St. James was certainly nothing one would do with kids in tow, especially not with the descent he'd had to weather to even reach Zubiri. He had a lot of trouble getting safely down to the village, and he believed it would be impossible with kids. And even if they could make the descent, Castle hoped that there still wouldn't be many children coming here. It was strenuous enough for adults. The Way of St. James just wasn't meant for kids.

Castle went through his routine of getting his stamp, finding his bed for the night and writing some of his expressions of the day onto his homepage, before lying down. His destination for tomorrow would be Pamplona. Until then he was going to get some much needed rest to recharge his energy.

* * *

**Until the next time. Take care, guys.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello everyone,**

**I want to thank all of you who followed, favorited and reviewed so far. You guys are amazing. Thank you. It means a lot to me to see that you like this story so much.**

**Having that said, here is the next chapter. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.**

* * *

**Chapter 7**

Castle hadn't had such a bad night in a long time now. He didn't even manage to sleep for two hours. His legs hurt, and his whole body burned with every move he made. He had been sure that he'd sleep like a stone, not that he'd need hours to fall asleep for a short time.

Was this a normal state when you were on your way of the Way of St. James? As he had planned his trip he had read about many things that he could encounter to give him some trouble, but sleep issues? No, he definitely didn't read about that. However, the thing all repots he had read back at home had in common was that people most likely start tearing up somewhere along the way. Whether it was from any emotional thoughts or just plain frustration and exhaustion. People seemed to always come to that point. Castle couldn't think of any possibility that could bring him to a meltdown.

Since he couldn't sleep, Castle spent the most of the night tending to his thoughts. Thinking about his two redheads at home, and what they were doing at the moment. He winced slightly when he thought about all the things his mother would do to the loft while he was gone. Would he even recognize the loft again when he got back? God, was he really thinking about his trip home, when he hadn't even been on his tour for two days? If he'd go home tomorrow, the first thing he'd hear after walking through the front door would be his mother's knowing words _I told you so_.

His little angel was probably studying for some test most of the time. He couldn't believe that she'd leave for college in a few months. Where did the time go? It felt like it had just been yesterday that he was with her on the playground in the park, sliding down the chute after Alexis, or pushing her while she sat on the swing screaming for him to push harder. The corner of his lips lifted as he thought back to the moment Alexis had tried on her laser tag gear for the first time. She had looked absolutely ridiculous. Why couldn't she stay his little daughter forever? He wasn't ready for her to leave the nest.

That train of thought led to the precinct. Were the boys angry with him for not returning? He had told them with as few words as possible that he wouldn't be coming back to the Twelfth. He had noticed that they weren't happy with his decision, yet they didn't try to persuade him into staying. But maybe his invitation to a poker night had helped, showing them that he wasn't intending to completely break the contact. Nevertheless, Castle was sure they'd give him a hard time on that night, maybe even as soon as he arrived back home. The boys would make him bleed, he should probably be throwing in his sports car for a day…or two. And maybe even think of an upgrade for the coffee machine at the precinct.

_Coffee._

Huh, funny he thought, that just the idea of the refreshing, hot beverage ultimately led his thoughts toward Kate. Had she read his letter? By now she must have read it. He had sat at his desk for hours pondering over his words. Normally he was able to write a whole chapter in the time he had written this ridiculous letter! Castle had no idea how often he had crossed a word out or even crumpled up the whole sheet of paper, throwing it straight into the recycle bin. Probably too often. He hadn't had an idea what to write to her. How much should he tell her? Should he stay brief? Explain _everything_?

The blessed writer Richard Edgar Castle, who had written twenty-seven bestsellers was at a loss of words for a little letter.

Yet, Kate Beckett had always possessed the ability to rob him of his words. She had him under control with just one of her looks, and could make him feel like an immature boy again. Did she even know that she had this power over him? The things she could do to him? On the coldest of days her stare could result in him getting sizzling heat flashes. In extreme – albeit just a few – times he had to remember to breathe. Beckett was like the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden. She was a temptation, magically drawing him in.

It had been a daily balancing act to work with her. They always reached this invisible line sometime during the day, yet were ever careful to not cross it. Right from the beginning, he had assumed that he'd burn himself and break on her hard exterior. She had ruined him. Had ruined him forever, had managed to change him so that other women left him cold. He wanted just the one. The forbidden fruit.

Was he jealous of Doctor Josh, Motorcycle Boy, Davidson? Of course, what man wouldn't be? He was the lucky guy Kate Beckett had chosen to be with. Wanted to be with him. Who was he in contrast to this super successful surgeon who saved dozens of lives on a daily basis? Castle had noticed very early in their partnership that she wasn't interested in money, couldn't be impressed by it. That was why he decided to impress her differently every day. Solved cases with her, had her back in dangerous situations, brought her coffee just to see that special smile she seemed to have reserved only for him. The one he loved to see on her face.

Though what he didn't see was the pain he had brought into her life. If it wouldn't have been for him, Montgomery would still be alive and Kate wouldn't have been shot, her blood running through his hands. She had worked hard in her life, had been through so much and then he came and made her life his personal playground.

This had to stop. And as much as he wished he could be in the city working side by side with New York's finest, it was better this way. A clear and final line. She'd understand, see that her life was better off without him. It wasn't important what he wanted, not when he hurt people while doing it. He'd manage just fine. And maybe – just maybe – this trip would give him some time to think about all the things he could do once he was back home.

Since he couldn't sleep, Castle got up pretty early the next day, preparing himself for the day. Forty-eight miles separated him from his next destination. Pamplona, a city in the region of Navarre.

The sun was shining mercilessly down again, letting him know that it would be one of those days again, in which the sweat would pour down his face as if he stood under the shower. Though his cap was covering his head and forehead, the rest of his body was helplessly at the mercy of the sunbeams. So that he wouldn't burn completely, he had applied sun screen on all of his exposed body parts. This was his third day and if the weather would stay like this, he would go home with a decent tan.

The ascent was exhausting like the other times, though he had gotten used to it by now. However he still felt his aching limbs with every move, felt like he was walking on hot coals. Maybe he should take the next day to rest, his body would certainly welcome a day off. He was a writer after all, could take as many days as he wanted for this journey. But he still wouldn't drag it out all that much, knowing he couldn't stay away from his daughter for that long. It still felt good, though, to know that he didn't have any pressure to hurry the hell up, seeing that he didn't have a boss to answer to. The only one who'd be less than thrilled that he was taking longer than planned was Gina, and Castle chuckled, amused, when he thought about her making his life a living hell for every day longer he'd take on his journey.

His path was leading him mostly on roads, and he was surprised when he noticed that there wasn't a lot of traffic out here. But he wasn't complaining. The temptation would be too great to try and catch a ride, only to be disappointed in himself later the day for not walking to Pamplona himself. He should be happy that for today, he could walk on a perfectly arranged street, with almost no possibilities of troubles along his way.

As Castle had finally reached Pamplona he didn't take a lot of time to explore the city, searching directly for the quarters of the pilgrims. He was dead-tired, just wanted to go to bed, and after a few quick words for his homepage he laid down and fell asleep almost instantly.

His decision to take a day off and rest his tired body was a good one. He'd slept until ten this morning and had to admit that he felt well rested. His limbs still hurt but not as much as the day before.

To find a compromise between his head, which was ready to continue, and his body that would like another day off, he got himself a bus ticket to Viana. He had planned to walk the whole way, but if his body wasn't willing to cooperate, he had to find another way to move forward. If he'd stubbornly continue walking the whole way, he probably would hobble through Spain over the next few years, and he really wasn't planning to do _that_.

After exploring Pamplona for some time, Rick spent the remaining time of the day sitting outside of a café, curiously observing the city life. There was a bull arena, but sadly there wasn't an event planned for today. He'd have fun watching that spectacle.

"Hello! How are you doing?" Castle's eyes flickered surprised to the left, he'd been too deep in his thoughts to notice the man who had sat down next to him, grinning joyfully. It took him some time until he recognized the man who had joined him at his table. They had met twice on this trip already, but their conversations had never been more than a few quick words.

"Hi." Castle greeted the man.

"Taking the day off?"

"I'd rather be on my way, but my legs wouldn't cooperate."

"I know that feeling. The Way of St. James isn't easy to travel. It brings anyone to their limits, even trained people. Adding weather and sleepless nights, makes it feel impossible to accomplish at times."

"You know quite a lot." Castle noted.

The man shrugged. "It's not my first time being on this journey. I'm one of the crazy ones traveling the Way of St. James for the second time already. On my first tour, there were many times I asked myself how I got this stupid idea of participating in this adventure. But then there are days you're seeing fascinating things, things that pull you in, making every struggle you'll encounter worth it. Even now on my second time on this journey, there are many thing I'm seeing for the first time." The stranger said. "By the way, my name is Benjamin. I'm from London."

"I'm Rick. I'm from New York."

"Ah, our dear Big Apple. I've been there a few times. But even with my frequent visits, I still manage to get lost sometimes. The anonymity is remarkable. You can do almost anything and no one would notice – at least not immediately."

"Yeah. It's kinda sad though. No one is really interested in anything other than themselves."

"And how did you come up with this idea of walking the Way of St. James?" Benjamin asked curiously.

Rick thought about his answer. How did he come up with the idea? Well, it sure looked like a distraction. Something that could get his mind onto other things, keeping him occupied with something new. Something that didn't involve a certain New Yorker homicide detective.

There, he admitted it. This journey was just one big distraction from Beckett, his try to slowly remove himself from her life. Though, to give Benjamin an answer, Castle decided for the easy route. "I needed a change in scenery."

Benjamin laughed at that."Well then, you came to the right place for that! You'll experience things on your journey that you'd never experience anywhere else."

"What about you? You taking the day off too?"

"You could say that. I met some people on my first time here. I'll stay a little longer in Pamplona to meet up with them. I'll continue on in two days though."

Castle and Benjamin chatted for a while before they bid their farewells. Benjamin was certainly an interesting character. Though he was still a young man, Benjamin seemed to know more about the world that other people out there. He was full of knowledge, his eyes shining out his smartness.

The day slowly came to an end, but before Castle went to bed he decided to do a quick video message for his homepage. And call his family! Yeah, he'd definitely call them, needing to hear their familiar voices. Speaking to his daughter would brighten his mood instantly, Castle thought as he pulled out his cell and speed dialed the number of the loft.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Pumpkin." Castle smiled.

"Dad! How are you doing?"

"Been better, but not bad enough to just stop and go home. What about you? How are you and Grams doing? Anything I should know? Castle grinned, wanting to know what his daughter and mother had been up to while he was away. He had never been separated from his daughter for such a long time.

"Everything's fine, Dad. Gram is rehearsing for a new play actually." Alexis told him, and he was just about to tell her that she'd have his compassion for that one, when she already started to speak again."Detective Beckett was here." She said, her voice definitely quieter than before, hesitation audible in her speech. As if she wasn't sure if she should mention this information at all to her dad.

That fact aroused his attention, sitting a little straighter. "Beckett? What did she want?"

"No idea. She was surprised that you weren't home."

Castle hesitated. "What did you tell her?"

"That you're walking the Way of St. James, and you'd be back in a few weeks."

"And she didn't mention why she stopped by?"

"Sorry, Dad. I could find out if you need to know it." Alexis offered.

"No, don't sweat it. If it'd have been something urgent she'd have told you."

Castle and Alexis talked some more before they ended the call. It had felt so good to hear the voice of his daughter, the feeling of nostalgia forming in the pit of his abdomen. Now he had at least some motivation to continue his journey without adding another day in Pamplona, knowing that the faster he'd pull through this the faster he'd be home again with his daughter.

* * *

**Purely Castle this time. Next chapter we'll see how Kate's doing.**

**Wish you all a great start into a new week!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi everybody,**

**Another chapter finished up. This time we're going to see how Kate's doing.**

**I've got one question for you guys though. I've got a few messages stating that I should wrap up the journey a little. I'm asking **_**all of you**_** now: Should I continue as planned and write the whole journey out or should I do time jumps? I'm gonna wait until the end of the week and see how you guys decided. Since I already wrote a few chapters in advance, it could take me longer than usual to update since I have to re-write the chapters if you do want time jumps, just so you know when to expect a new chapter…**

**Anyway enjoy the update.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.**

* * *

**Chapter 8**

It was quite late, but Kate couldn't sleep. She had spent the last hour turning restlessly around, yet sleep did not come. Giving up, Kate got out from under the covers and left the bedroom, moving into her living room, and aiming for her couch.

Almost instantly her hand reached for the single sheet of paper lying on the little table, without a doubt one of the reasons why she couldn't sleep. Castle's letter. She had finally read it, soaked up every word he had written to her, feeling childish for having waited so long to open it. Kate had read the letter over and over the entire evening, by now knowing the letter inside and out, however she still began to read it again.

_Dear Kate,_

_By now you probably know that I'm not consulting with the NYPD anymore. In fact, I won't even be in New York when you read this._

_I'm sorry that it came to this. You certainly deserve better than just some letter as a goodbye, especially after everything we have been through together. But I was afraid that if I had said goodbye to you in person, you would have been able to convince me to stay. To remain in New York, shadowing you._

_But that is something I simply can't do._

_I'm the reason you were shot. If I hadn't started looking into your mother's case, you wouldn't have been shot. Lying on the ground, while your blood ran through my fingers tainting everything that came in touch with it in a dark red. Seeing the life leaving your eyes._

_I'll never forgive myself for that._

_That is why from now on I will keep my distance from you. I will not get you into any more trouble than you already are in. I endangered you by pretending to be a cop. Pretending to be your partner._

_But the truth remains, I'm not your partner, and I'm certainly not a cop. I'm just a writer who tried to get out of boredom by shadowing one – by shadowing you._

_Believe me when I say that I will never forget you. You are the most extraordinary woman I have ever met. You have made me into the man I am now. You showed me a new and fascinating side of the world, and even when it is a very dark one at times, working with you brightened it up a little. You, and all the others in the force are the lights that make it bearable to live in that darkness._

_The boys had to find a secure place for all the files concerning your mother's case and they gave them to me for safekeeping. Since I won't be here anymore when you read this letter, I'll tell you where you can find them. They're in my office at home. Just ask Alexis to give them to you. Tell her they're in the secret drawer. She'll know where to look for them._

_Kate… I can't keep you from investigating your mother's case further, but I hope you won't. We have seen what they would do to keep you from gaining more information. So my request for you is to pull back. I know I'm in no position to ask that of you, but I can't help myself._

_Choose life, Kate. Choose to be happy, because even though I never met your mother, I'm sure she would have wanted you to live a happy life._

_I for myself hope you will find peace. Wherever it might lead you to. You deserve all the happiness in the world._

_You will be on my mind._

_Always._

_Rick_

Castle seemed to be really convinced that everything that had happened was his fault. He was a smart man, but at times he still was an idiot. Sometimes he took things to the heart without thinking them over. She'd talk to him when he got back from his adventure, tell him that he wasn't at fault for anything that had happened. Sooner or later she would have re-opened her mother's case on her own. He had merely moved things along. Still, he had to know that his presence had helped her. Before he had started to shadow her at work, her life had been grey. She had been okay, living for her work but still managing to go on. He had brought color into it again, shown her that she wasn't really _living_. And maybe she could persuade him into coming back. Kate had thought that she'd be alright without him, that she didn't need him. However, during her first case after the shooting and seeing the partnership of Ryan and Esposito, as well as the empty chair next to her desk made the absence of Castle all the more obvious. The absence of her partner.

Because that was who he was. Her partner. As odd as their partnership was, she wouldn't trade him for any real detective.

Kate heard her cell ringing from her bedroom and her eyes flickered towards her watch. She had been back at work sooner than everyone expected after her shooting. Though that may be because she led them to believe that she was ready, that she was alright and fit enough to be back at work. Although she had the sinking feeling that Dr. Burke saw right through her façade.

Walking back to her bedroom, Kate reached for her cell, seeing that she had gotten a text from Esposito. They had a new case, the address already sent to her for her to meet the boys at the scene. Since the case the boys had worked on when she had come back hadn't been that good and led her straight back to Dr. Burke's couch, she hoped that this one would end better. As much as she had tried, she just didn't seem to find her routine again. Yet she didn't stop the fight, gaining her life somewhat back bit by bit until now, when she reached a point where she believed that things will get better. At least most of the things.

As she arrived at the scene, Kate was immediately welcomed by a big gathering of people. Reporters trying to get some information about the victim, but most of them were probably just curious. How she hated those kind of people. Did they have nothing better to do than gazing? Besides it was in the middle of the night, what the hell were they doing here anyway?

"Detective! Detective! Detective. What can you tell us about this homicide?" one of the reporters asked, andif the reporter expected to get an answer from her, he was wrong. "Uh, no comment. Excuse me."

Kate ducked under the police tape that an Officer held up for her. The forensic team was already working the scene at full speed, and the alley was packed with police officers securing evidence."Officer Hastings, what's this all about?"

The young police officer looked like she was about to vomit any second, making Kate more and more confused since this wasn't Hastings' first crime scene. "You should see for yourself, Detective."

Beckett approached the body that was already covered with a yellow plastic tarp. Better said, the two halves of the body were covered. Blood puddles were on both sides of the halves, and the feet of their victim were looking out from under the yellow tarp.

"Uh, so he was..." Beckett started, but didn't really know how to formulate her question. This way of murdering was quite odd for this time they were living in, definitely the first time she was encountering a victim parted into two halves. Why did she always end up with the strange cases?

"Split right down the middle. From the top of his head all the way down to his-"

"Hey!" Ryan and Esposito cut her off simultaneously.

Lanie rolled her eyes. "Please. The guy was sliced in two. I'd say his unit is the least of his problems."

"Obviously you do not understand the sacred bond between a man and his unit." Esposito replied.

"Okay, so what was the murder weapon? Guillotine?" Beckett tried to get their conversation back to their case.

"A sword." Lanie reached for an evidence bag and passed it to her friend."Tip broke off in the body. Blood spatter indicates that the killer first lopped off the victim's hand, then took the big swing."

Kate observed the crime scene closer. This had something symbolic to it, after all who'd come up with the idea to cut someone in two with a sword? Most people would be stabbed once or even multiple times, but cutting straight through the middle of a person?"Esposito, this looks like it might've been a ritual killing, so let's get photos of all the bystanders in case the killer came back."

"On it." Esposito nodded."Meanwhile, the vic's name is Tyler Ferris. He just got out of Sing Sing a year ago for sexual assault."

"Okay, we got any witnesses?"

"Yeah. The girl he was in the middle of assaulting, a Marie Marcado."

Kate stared at the woman Esposito had pointed out. She was standing a little to the side, and the young woman looked a bit shaken. But who wouldn't after living through this kind of murder? First she had been bothered by their victim, then she had to watch him getting murdered in such a horrible way.

One more person in the world who probably needed to see a psychiatrist, Kate thought bitterly.

Ryan was currently speaking to the young woman as Beckett stepped up to them and after a quick glance at Beckett, Ryan signaled for the woman to continue with her story.

"I met him last night at Matt's Bar around the corner. He seemed like a nice enough guy, talking all big about his ship coming in. Anyway, it got late, I left with him, but that's when he started getting all super aggressive. I took off running. He caught me. I mean, God knows what he would've done if..."

Obviously at a loss of words, Ryan stepped in and ended the sentence for Ms. Marcado. "If Conan the Barbarian hadn't showed up?" Maria nodded confirming, though didn't speak up again.

"What did the killer look like?" Beckett asked and hoped that they could get a good sketch of the killer's face.

The witness shook her head. "It was so dark, I didn't really get to see his face." It would have been too good anyway, Kate thought.

"You didn't catch anything? Ethnicity? Age, weight, height?"

Maria glanced down to the ground in embarrassment, signaling Beckett that she wouldn't get any more useful information from their witness.

* * *

Some hours later Beckett found herself standing in autopsy. They had contacted the family of their victim, Tyler Ferri, and Ferri's mother was here to identify the body of her son. A task Kate always thought of as cruel for anyone who had to see their loved ones like this.

"Yes that's him." Mrs. Ferri confirmed, though her voice sounded unsurprised.

"Mrs. Ferris, we're very sorry for your loss." This part of her job was always the hardest one, being the bearer of bad news and having to tell the people that their loved ones would not come back to them.

The woman shrugged. "Don't sweat it."

Lanie and Beckett both looked, shocked, at Mrs. Ferri after hearing statement. "Pardon me?"

"These things can happen."

"Not in this century, they don't." Kate winced slightly as she said this. Normally this was something Castle would have said. Such comments were always his forte, not being able to keep from voicing them. Unbelievable how he had rubbed off on her.

"Don't get me wrong. I never expected my boy to end up in two hunks, but I always knew one day he'd end up there laying on a slab. Tyler was a no good loser. He made one dumbass mistake after the next."

"I see. Um. Do you know if he was involved in anything that might've gotten him killed?"

"Well, I certainly expect so."

"He told someone that his ship was coming in. What does that mean?"

"His ship was always coming in. That was Tyler. Always working an angle."

Kate grabbed her notepad "Ma'am, um, I'll need the names of all the enemies your son may have had."

"You're gonna need a bigger pad."

* * *

She couldn't believe it. This case just oozed with oddness. However the worst thing she had noticed throughout their investigation was that this case just screamed for Castle, almost tailor-made for him and his curiosity. With every new aspect Kate had thought about the things Castle would say, had almost been able to imagine him sitting in his chair chatting away giddily and making her smile at his excitement, despite that this was still a murder case.

But he hadn't been there.

He hadn't been there when she had examined the crime scene. He hadn't been there when she had found out that their killed had been dressed in a superhero costume carrying a sword. He hadn't been there when she had gone over to Comicadia, asking for the opinion of an expert regarding the costume of their killer. He hadn't been there when she had encountered the costumed person. And he hadn't been there when they had closed the case.

He just hadn't been there. Suddenly those six weeks seemed endlessly. An eternity without her partner.

A chill shot through her when she thought about him not being at her side for the rest of her life.

His empty chair seemed to mock her every single time she glanced at it, reminding her of his absence. It probably wasn't helping that this case involved a reporter. A reporter with a female friend at the police.

As she had walked Hastings to the elevator earlier the evening, she had thought about a lot of things. This had been only her second case after her long rehabilitation break, but it certainly hit close home. Too close and too real. A thousand things crossed through her mind and she couldn't find a way to quiet them down.

Especially as she had seen Hastings hugging the reporter. That scene had made her heart squeeze uncomfortable, and it somehow changed from seeing Hastings and the reporter to her and Castle. The _what if_.

Had they really wasted all chances to be like them? Where did they go wrong?

Kate had glanced one more time at the pair in the elevator, her shoulders sinking slightly.

A writer and his muse.

A cop and her writer.

The absence of her partner, of _him_, had never been as obvious as it had been just then.

* * *

**Thanks for reading, guys. And don't forget to tell me how you like me to go on with this story. Short or full length?**

**Wish you all a great start into a new week :D**


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